Intro: This piece comes from the heart of a Christian husband. However, it’s meant to inspire and embolden husbands and fathers from all walks of life to be forthcoming and supportive when facing challenges alongside their spouses.
“Husbands, cherish your wives…” Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)
The Moment of Truth
The doctor’s words pierced through the room’s silence, “I think I’m speaking too quickly.” As his gaze dropped, mine drifted from his face, where I had been intently listening to the crushing diagnosis: My wife had Endometrial Cancer.
The weight of the news didn’t register immediately. I looked at my wife, whose tears were already flowing. The trauma from the past, of losing my father to Cancer at a tender age, threatened to consume me as history seemed to repeat itself.
Instantly, my protective instincts kicked in. Memories of past adversities – infertility, the loss of children – flooded back. The familiar sensation of wanting to shield and care for my loved ones overshadowed everything.
Temporary Diversion
“Let’s not deprive the children of the joys of Chinese New Year,” my brave wife proposed.
Her resilience had always astounded me. To distract ourselves, we decided on an impromptu trip to Chinatown, maintaining a semblance of normality. Yet, our daughter’s innocent question in the car reminded us of the inevitable conversation we’d need to have.
“What did the doctor say, Mummy?”
My wife, with grace and courage, gently introduced the word ‘Cancer’ to our ten-year-old. For now, the allure of the lights in Chinatown diverted her attention.
Unwarranted Accusations
A so-called ‘well-meaning’ acquaintance decided to inform my wife that her illness was a divine punishment for her perceived sins. I was livid. How could anyone, especially one professing faith, be so callous and presumptuous?
Guilt’s Grip
Despite the distractions, reality was inescapable. The following day’s medical scan drove home the harsh truth, and with it came a deluge of self-blame. Every ‘if only’ tortured me. The collective weight of guilt, shame, and anger began to manifest in my interactions, especially with our children.
Soul Searching
A church service unexpectedly stirred something within me. Familiar songs, coupled with poignant memories of my grandmother’s faith, triggered an outpouring of emotion. The realization was powerful: God’s grace was all-encompassing, and He remained in control.
A New Perspective
My wife’s battle is ongoing. While the initial surgery was a success, the path to full recovery is long. But I’ve chosen to stand beside her, leaning on the promise that God’s mercies prevail. It’s not about blame or guilt; it’s about a divine plan and finding our place within it.
We often recite our wedding verse:
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Eccl. 4:12 (NIV)
For fellow husbands navigating similar tumultuous waters, these articles might offer solace and guidance:
- Good Men Project
- Wikihow
- MD Anderson Cancer Center
- ManTalks
- Yale Medicine
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